Nope! (Creature Feature, 2015)

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O…m…G. What to say about Creature Feature? I’m going to make this real quick and sweet because this movie really ticked me off. I enjoy anthology movies, some of my favorites include Tales from the Hood (1995) , V/H/S 2 (2013), Asylum (1972) and Three….Extremes (2004), but this really threw me off a bit. Feature was released last Halloween and at first glance appears to be the type of movie to watch around that time. Who doesn’t like a good creepy story? Who doesn’t like several creepy stories featuring werewolves, supernatural boogeymen and witches? I most certainly do….when the stories are told right. Feature had a lot of potential to be added to the anthology favorites list, but it sadly fell short. It’s one thing to enter in music to keep up the suspenseful atmosphere, it’s another when the music is annoying, cuts in at weird and unnecessary times and just throws the story-telling off. Feature had so many cutaways to attempt to blend the stories together (even while the same story is being told) that it started to grate on my nerves. This is one soundtrack I will gladly miss out on.

Feature attempted to bring to mind or least pay homage to films such as Creepshow with comic book setup/graphics and Urban Legend with a well-known oft-told tale about a clown statue, but the bad acting and terrible character development left a horrible taste in my mouth. When I’m able to predict the script and my boyfriend looks at me as though I have magic powers, something is dreadfully wrong. And don’t even get me started on the mispronunciation of Samhain. *le sigh* You are a Halloween movie, that should be one thing that you get right. Someone clearly had the movie on mute when Dr. Loomis gave his history lesson. Feature missed a lot of good opportunities to give detail when needed. The story of Spring-Heeled Jack during the Three Witches segment would have made for a great campfire tale….if the audience was able to understand the story better.
All in all, I was not happy with Creature Feature. Directed by Chase Smith, this is my first film viewing of his work and while I am not ready to throw in the towel (I will admit to being somewhat intrigued by Realm of Souls (2013) and his 2012’sThe Doorway), I’m going to have to give Creature Feature a huge thumbs down. I want to be creeped out, scared, sitting on the edge of my seat, I want to be drawn into the story, not groaning every five minutes because of a cutaway with bad sound. I want to be interested in the characters and the story, not wondering if the blonde on screen is going to die soon because she is bringing nothing to the table in way of acting. Ugh. Do better.

No screams, darling. It just didn’t do it for me.

 

 

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